webmaster mike's blog

Let’s just go ahead and file this under “Everything.”

First off, I haven’t been feeling up-to-scratch, and my weekend was filled mostly with medicine and disconcerting amounts of post-nasal drip. That it came on the heels of a flu shot, which my coworkers swear is the sole cause of my infirmity, is a mere coincidence.

Second, I did attend the Swapmeet for winter gear at Kenai Central HS on Saturday. I did not find skis, as I grossly underestimated the budget necessary for winter activities. That, and a friend who knows about such things insisted that I choose skis and apparel based on color. Wise words from one who knows. I considered a delightful pair of flippers, but decided against them, hoping that they would be better matched with someone who would look better in them than I would.

In help news, Master of All Things Hardware Casey has rededicated himself to his blog, and I have a current battle for blog supremacy with Jordan and his wildly helpful Helpdesk blog.

Speaking of bloggery and website funnery, we’re trying to come up with a name for the KPBSD Blog Server. Something more creative than “KPBSD Blog Server.” Ideas are encouraged. We can’t use Blogosphere, since that term is the collective term for all blogs. See poll at right or leave a comment. We have also created a Directory for some of the existing KPBSD blogs, so if you would like yours included, please let me know.

In wombat-related news, I recently found out that the animal collective term for wombat is a “mob.” The gratification I get from this tidbit of information is beyond understanding. I hope someday to encounter a wombat mob in the wild.

So there we have it. A bit of everything. I’ll thank my flu medications for the cohesion exhibited in this post. At least my nasal passages are happy.

I’ve previously described how someone can find assistance with various computer-related trauma they might be experiencing. Because of overwhelming feedback, I feel as though I should make a few things clear.

Many have maintained that I am incorrect in my supposition that computers cannot feel hatred. Some have even cited examples of loathing from appliances such as the copy machine in a particular school.

Though a matter of taxonomy, this assumption of hatred is misguided. The real matter in this case is known as Electronic Possession.

Possession can be easily mistaken for sentient-like feelings from a machine, but the cause of the problem is none other than our favorite of subatomic particles; the electron.

Yes, electrons, being negative by very nature, have a distinct propensity to behave in odd ways. Take Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, which maintains that one cannot simultaneously know the location and velocity of an electron. In other terms, if you know where it is, you don’t know where it’s going, and if you know where it’s going, you don’t know where it is. This feeling may be familiar to those of you who have been to college.

If that is not an example of the occult, I don’t know what is.

Luckily, the solutions outlined in my previous post remain true, but I’ll add some more terminology, because hey, who doesn’t love terminology?

Jordan, in this case, is what is known as an Electron Whisperer, as he gently coaxes electrons to behave as they are supposed to.

Casey, by contrast, is an Electron Wrangler, as he uses his vast array of talents to physically corral electrons into their proper places.

I hope this clears up any confusion. As always, feel free to contact our department, as we can assist you in all of your whispering or wrangling needs.

We in the Information Services department here at KPBSD get many calls from people in need of technical assistance with their various computer or technology-related issues.

We’re happy to help.

But first, some guidelines to help you get started and for you to ascertain exactly whom you should be contacting.

1.  The Carrot and the Stick

Also known as “Good Cop, Bad Cop” or my favorite, “Bad Cop, Worse Cop,” this computer repair technique involves threatening or cajoling the computer to encourage good behavior, such as threatening the offending item with a bubblebath, alternating with mollifying promises of hardware and software upgrades.

This doesn’t work.

At all.

1. Anthropomorphology

Many people call our department convinced that their computer hates them. This is an absurd notion, as computers don’t have the capacity for such emotions.

Smart Boards, however, do. So if you feel your Smart Board hates you, you’re probably right.

1. Making Contact

If you’ve exhausted your above repertoire and your computer or program still refuses to function as it should, feel free to seek our help. You can do this in several ways. One is to visit us in person. We live in the basement. As you go down the stairs from the main entrance, turn left and go down the hall. DO NOT TURN RIGHT. I think it’s haunted.

1. Specificity

As you happen to be reading a blog, many hardware issues have already been addressed by my coworker and generally nice guy Casey Olson on his blog:

Casey’s Support Blog

His extention is 8806.

If your problem is not hardware-related, for general assistance, call Jordan at extention 8809. Jordan is not only a very knowledgeable individual, but displays a cool demeanor remniscient of a young and dashing Henry Kissenger.

Additionally, Jordan has a brilliant and very useful blog of his own which explores the functionality of programs you use every day:

Jordan’s Helpdesk Blog

With PowerSchool now in session, you can call on Donna at x8804, because she is a guru, nay, Oracle of PowerSchool.

For all things website related, give me, Webmaster Mike, a call at x8805.

If you’re still stuck, any one of us can point you in the right direction. I’ve even been known to give incredibly accurate horoscopes. Here’s yours:

You may receive a phone call today.

Long story short, we’re here to help, so give us a call! We’d be happy to lend a hand.

Thank you, have a great day, and don’t take it personally; Smart Boards hate everyone.

– Webmaster Mike